From: Colnel Green

To: Centcom Commander

 

We have picked up a few hundred white robed people who were found wandering in the desert near the ruins of ancient Babylon.  There are many more still wandering in the desert we have in visual contact.  The chaplain has interviewed some of them in flight and says they are speaking Hebrew with a chaldean accent.  They are saying that they thought we were chariots to heaven and thus didn't try to flee.

 

From: General James P. Nash

To: Colnel Green

 

We have secured in flight fueling for your Battalion to go straight to Telaviv airport.  You have one stop in Ankara Turkey as air space over Jordan or syria is not authorized.

 

The political situation has it that for now the Arabs are afraid of the individuals in question as being imortals.  You have your work cut our for you as we have reports of thousands of these people all over Iraq. 

 

Expect to be involved in this new exerize called operation Meshak, but also be ready for changes at the last minute.

 

General Nash.

Found wandering around ancient ruins a man in a white robe who spoke Aramaic and Greek was taken by police to the mental ward for evalution.  Realizing he spoke Aramaic a team of talmud studying medical professionals were brought in to study him.  At first they theorized he must be a professor of the ancient near east.  Was it a bad reaction to medication?  They gave him a blood test.

 

Joseph kept saying he wanted normal food.  He also described how he got to england and wanted to go back to it not realizing where he was.

 

They showed him a rerun of Batman where King Tut goes crazy and thinks he is really king tut.  But Joseph didn't budge.  He insisted that he was Joseph of Arimethia.

 

Hospital staff called an emergency meeting. Their next move was to contact the Israelis for advice.

Suddenly Jewish cemetaries emptied in fulfillment of Ezekiel 37:12.  Christian theologians were in shock that this typically allegorized section of the Old Testament came to litteral fulfillment.  Then the second part happened.  Millions of resesutated Jews flooded into Israel.  Behind the scenes people like Joel Bloomstien and other Jews for Yeshua had the instersting job of takeing Saint Paul to Walmart, house parenting  Anne Frank, or useing Glenda Reese's gospel of Mark ESL version to teach Saint Mark english.

 

Billy Graham writes, " There they were, the holy familly, Abraham, Isacc and Jacob.  I had to preach the sermon of my life to them.  I suggested Saint Paul do it, but he was still catching up on history and things.  It is understandable.  But, you know, I was afraid to hurt their feelings."

 

Signs of an Arab revival are on the way as the resurected Jews have reported no hassels but only great hospitality from their Arabic hosts.  The King of Jordan writes, "we had hundreds and hundreds of resurected Jews in our land.  How could you not treat them well?  I was so surprised when I saw them on the morning show, walking around in their white robes."

 

Steve Henderson of Discover magazine said, "Some strange rays from Plieadies have hit earth recently.  Weirdest thing! Why Jews only your guess is as good as mine!"

When Satan was realeased from the abyss it was like something from Heavy Metal Magazine.  A green light was seen hurling toward earth as the millenium came to it's end.  Satan released the demons held on Manhattan and had brought other demons who had been bound with him in the abyss for the grand finaly of history.

It was like Atilla the Hun as the cloud of dust overcame one city of beleivers after another.  The godless horde had invented a gun that made a body decompose in just a few seconds.  You could see the flesh decay then skeletons crumble into dust as if watching a speeded up video. 

 

Mark's familly was in their kitchen praising the Lord.  Satan broke down the door of Marks house makeing a special point of wanting to get Mark as he had heard about him.  It happened really fast.  As Mark slouched foreward blood gushed out of his headless torso.  Satan had morphed into a terminator form and tried to intimidate mark by riping off his sons head and leaveing a bloody upsidewon imprint of his face on the frigerator by tossing it like a soccer ball.  But Mark just sat there praising the Lord.  Satan tried nibbling on the headless corpse to unnerve him to dieing in fear but it didn't work.  Mark had wisely spent the last 700 years studying the Bible hard for this very moment.  They told him something like this might happen in the Battle of Gog and Magod II and Mark was determined to be ready.

Scooter Jenkins landed in his sea plane next to Victory Island.  These kinds of planes came in handy as runways were being rebuilt and were a natural outgrowth of Scooters hydrofoil industry.

 

A totempole automatically lowered to create a foot bridge for Scooter to cross.  The computer knew Scooter as a secret member of the club.

 

Scooter scanned his desk and saw a letter from pastor Clark Asbury.

 

Dear Scooter:

Mothers Magazine

Fall 2013

Jerusalem Edition

   American Moms are telling us thier schedule of soccer practice,  piano lessons and petrifried french fires under the minivan seat was pleasantly interupted by the possibility of finding the fountain of youth litterally.  We are getting reports of what happened at the Bering sea such as white American teens holding extra children for Latino moms who had too many small ones.  Lisa, originally from Cedar Rapids Iowa writes, "we got scientific lectures on what the sky was going to look like and when we should all yell.  Even the littlest babies yelled just because everyone else was.  It was an honor I will never forget to have my children be part of such and important prophecy as Psalm 8:2 and Revelation 19:5."  Many people had delayed marriage or having children.  We are getting mixed reports from those with breast feeding problems yes or no from Siberia.  For more on dealing with the problems of armageddon child rearing in the wilderness see our updated web site.

David the prince came up with the idea to let the government go on an unpain vacation for 1 year.  Then people would appriciate government services, and maybe even the private sector would kick in to fill gaps, perhaps in a permanent way.

 

Lo and behold, it worked!

 

1) As each region had it's civic sabatical and army of nimble private schools and garbage pick up buisnesses would rush in to fill the gap.

   A) Many public schools never reopened when parents saw what they could buy their children with the extra money they had from not being taxed to death.  They got them lap tops and were able to pool money to create a supper home school library in record time with the help of a special program and blueprint already set to go from a faith based program.

   B) One public beach and park after another was adoped by a large corperation till they were all gone and the government was no longer being leached for money by them.

   C) In apreciation to the tax break wealthy patrons moved from one place to another each year with loads of cash following the cycle of civic sabaticals.  They filled in the gaps people didn't want or pay attention to like nuclear power plants conversion to the private sector and the few blunders such as children found wandring the streets.

 

Details: you could get paid 5 dollars a month by Green International if you separated your trash in a special pre made station for them that they picked up from once a month.  Green International was only responsible for noncombustibles as mulch type trash and other things were turned by the inexpensive unit into kerosene for cooking.

 

Police:  local police could recieve a stipend to attend a local university for free.  However, if they failed their tuition was later deducted from their salary.  To make up for no police there was a combination of extra private security, Army Airforce and Marine military police units were mobilized and got valuble experinece as long it was peace time and not war.  Courts were handled by JAG officers.  They were able to uncover a great deal of corruption ever six years.

Fearing being locked up on Manhattan Omar came across the border of Jordan in shorts waveing a white flag to turn him self in.  The Messiah assigned him to prison for 911 years for his role in 911, but have him a chance to work his way out by solving puzzels.

 

First, he had to work at McDonalds like a person from before the big change.  He finally graduated when he didn't get angry about cleaning the toilet.

 

His next level was solved after he found the way of escape under a pewter idol.  He had been drinking down tea made from healing for the nations leaves out of a giant coffe mug.  But it had a giant idol in it.  His reward for trying to smash the idol was graduation to the next level.

 

Next he was in solitary confinement where he graduated by figuring out how to turn off the TV before going insane.  It was an Ellen Degeneris rerun marathon.  Omar almost didn't make it.  He spent 51 years there where most of the time he was curled up in the fetal position.with his hands over his ears.  It was the same exact shows, over and over again.

 

When Omar graduated to the next level it was campus crusade people from South Carolina.  Since the millenium was so easy with food and stuff they didn't have anything better to do except study or do skits and mess with Omar.  Omar never graduated this level but they let him go after his 100 years were up.  It was because they found out he was an academic monster.

 

In a recent interview with the Jerusalem post Omar said, "really, I can understand Arabic, but is has been so long since I spoke it.  My academic language is English.  That's how I earned so many PhD's.  It was the help of the Campus Crusade people and forgiveness I got from Jesus.  Through Jesus I don't have to be afraid of things, I mean to study them. Judge Daniel Schriber didn't want to let me out.  Also, a half dozen US Army vetrans wanted to fight me.  So, as a sign, they said if Omar wins all of the duels with these people then we will let him go free.  We were dueling with swords.  Sorry, I still talk about the smells and tastes of that.  I guess the moral of the story is it is better to forgive.  Back to the academics.  I decided to use my young 200 year old brain on science, then after I finished every PHD in science I could possible get I went for Humanities, which I am now working on.  Mary Alice Radowick has already maxed out the university system.  I got alot of tips from her.  Funny, alot of what I learned 300 years ago is already obsolete.

Sodom and Gomorah

You see Lot and his familly leave and fire come from heaven and burn the city up.  Lot's wife looks back, strong salt chemical douses her, she turns black and is frozen in place as more and more chemicals splash her to death.

 

Aztecs

Fire comes from the tree of life, what they call plieadies and burns up their civilization.  Hebrews call the constelation Kimah or cluster.

 

Easter Island

No trees are left.  A giant sloth made it into a cave then dies from gama rays.  His iradiated back skin pelt of fur is found the cave along with a great deal of sloth dung.

 

USA

Fire comes from heaven like clock work when the cycles of plieadies and venus come to an end according to the long count Mayan Calendar.  Even worse than before the rays are preceeded by a great earth quake as earth passes the middle line of the milky way galaxy changeing th earth's polarities.  Harold Camping offers refunds on his 2011 short count books or credit for them toward his new book about the millenium.

When Dave Shermer and the 7 Astronauts got out of the space shuttle they began looking for their loved ones.   A strange looking ferry man gave them a ride to Manattan, the place that looked like where all the action was.  To their horror everyone was hundreds of years old, but looked even older.  Horrible demons were everywhere.  The place looked like a bird cage with all the tsunami washed out buildings.  Strangely, the only thing people ever ate was Manhattan clam chowder.  Then a man who looked like a past president walked up to them with a groan.  He looked worse than grandpa munster, more like dawn of the dead.  He explained to them what all happened during the Millenium.  Blacks were thriving.  The continental shelf steepness protected Africa from the worst of the tsunamies.  Their lighter home structures didn't hurt them when they fell.  But western civilization never really recovered.  It colapsed litteraly under the weight of it's own selfishness.  He turned and left and they discussed among them selves how they must have worm holed in space throught the fourth dimension, some kind of time warp.  We couldn't help but notice all the similarities to Charlton Heston movies.  Somehow the president looking man got hold of magazines from the outside world.  It was all beutiful African people.  Eventually another person approached them.  Only this one could only cough.  He turned and left.  The president reapeared.   He explained that the Lord was giving strange punishments to some of the people in prison here.  The coughing man was a former Alkaida chief who masterminded 911 attack.   This was his punishment.  Coughing 1,000 years nonstop.

 

 

Hi, this is Dave Shermer again.  I was the one who thought he would be stuck in space or else get burned up by gama rays out in the international space station when they left me behind.

 

But, anyway here is my story of how I got back to earth.

 

Some astronauts were able to get the space shuttle Discovery off the launch pad in just in time before the moutain of fire hit (sorry, I am trying to put this in laymans terms so they can read it.)  So they contacted me by radio.

 

The next excitening thing was our argument of where to land.  It just so happened that the seven astronauts were from the triState area.  We saw through a satalite grade spy lense that even though there had been and still were earth quakes and big tsunamis there was a strip of the NJ turnpike that was long enough and in one piece for us to land on.

 

We were about to renter when we got a transmission from earth to the effect that the aftershocks of the 14.0 quake were still causeing tsunamis.  They anticipated they would last 150 days based on Genesis 7:24 in the light of Revelations scorpions that whipped people for that same time period.  (Scorpions glow green under an ultraviolot light for some reason by the way, we are still trying to figure that one out.)

 

That would have been a long time to be fasting, but these guys were sharp and brought a palate of food with them.  You don't get to be an astronaut with NASA by being stupid.

 

So, after the earth stopped convulseing (Florida was gone man, totally gone) we landed on the Turnpike.  On the way down we saw the statue of liberty covered in sand.   It was just  like the planet of the apes.  Lower Manhattan was wearing the Varenzano Bridge like a necklace.

 

 

Marshall the leader of planet zortex had to put up with jerks who continually bothered him about his past mistakes.  Divex a teacher of children walked up and hugged him and said something smileing that was actually a jab.  They tried to get him to sub for both their classes, Divex and Zetelbump to put him in a double bind. 

 

And Zetelbumps children were living on the edge.  They would go up to the roof with no parapet to stop someone from falling off and sit there from the exitement.  Zetelbump's husband and his friend, a military commander wouldn't let Marshall even put on his shirt, so he had to walk around bare chested unlike everyone else.

 

But then Keebip came and said a giant party ship was steering on a crazy zig zag course toward the planet and could crash soon.  Keebip came from another solar system.

 

Then they saw it.  Even Liweller, the Zortekian student union director.  She had just a small house for the students to have a party. 

 

Then the party ship crash landed.  Magnetism destroyed the bridge that Zetelbumps children sat on for thrills.

 

But then danceing aliens came out of the ship and informed them it was a giant party ship.

 

Liweller knew her problems were over with her boring job.  She now had a gaint free party with seemingly unlimited food and danceing aliens.

Hi my name is Eileen

 

I was infertile and about to commit suicide.  But I kept on having dreams of babies.  I mean, I had no uterus at all, to be graphic.

 

But all the worship the elepant ezpass in your hand or your forehead stuff happened it took my mind off it.  I was just trying to survive.

 

So, now, I am here in Jerusalem.  I got my picture taken with a group of 90 year old ladies who had babies for the Messiah fertility project.  They actually grew and ovum on the lining of my stomach!

 

But anyway, rebuilding civilization has been cool.  Once my babies grew up I was alive for hundreds of more years.  I decided to not have anymore.

 

What it was is that there were hardly any mateiriel science people left.  Well, except for me.  I have a PHD in it specializing in polymers.

 

You see, all the rollerblades and wheels on bags got melted just about.  You could see these artifacts from the past on E Bay for thousands of dollars.

 

They had plenty of physicists, Optometrists, Biologists, etc, but not hardly any of me.

 

Even the Medical doctors had to have retraining.  Nobody really gets cancer and stuff like that now.  They had to all retrain for sports medicine.

 

For example, one of my great grandchildren was injured parachuteing.  Nothing else really ever happens to people now adays.

Hi, this is Billy.

 

Vince Lombardy said it isn't over till it's over.

 

I am now here on the Mount of Olives.  I was made keeper of the fountain and am 700 years old, but I look like I am 40 and feel it too.  My only problem is 600 year old sepharic Jewish beuties who can't take no for an answer.  I have made a vow of celibacy.

 

Who will replace Billy Grahm...Nobody!

 

This fountain is replaceing or replentishing me.

 

OK, now for the big change, I mean I need to tell you what all happened for posterity. 

 

I was at the JCC and a whacko tried to cut my legs off but the girls swim team piled on and saved me.  I still have the pair of jeans, cut at the knee cap.  So, in memory of this we have a JCC right next to the healing fountain here on the mount of olives.  Right now you can hear JEWish women singing George Beverly Shea hymns, it echos really well.

 

And what about Elijah 3?  He is just as crazy as Elijah one with his "maybe your god is on the toilet" statement in 1 Kings 18.  Read it! It is in there.

 

I mean, part of my healing is loosening up a bit.  I was droping my crackers at the bering sea from the parkinsons.  But I got healing at the international dateline.  BUt the age reversal started when the fountain poped open here on the mount of olives.

Thats when they made me keeper of the fountain.  You know, the nonjews were upset that only moselems and Jews could be priests in the temple.  They needed someone special so they picked me.

 

But not Elijah 3?  Last we heard of him was 500 years ago, all he said was "leave me alone!" He is out in an undeveloped area with his wife.